Abbie Almasco. Frustrated Dancer and a wannabe Singer. Would love to channel Aggy Deyn's hotness, and own Vanessa Hudgens' wardrobe. Oh and, its been 5 years, and I'm still falling in this Rabbithole. Help?
Usually when he throws words like that, I try to defend myself. Most of the time I lose, because he always finds something to say to me in return. Like a neverending debate which of course, would lead to realizing that there’s no point in fighting. That’s the thing about him, he doesn’t give me a chance to explain myself. He doesn’t want to allow himself to understand me. That’s what we’ve always been to each other, in other’s lives : Kontrabida. That’s why we’re soulmates.
One day, he told me just that. I was his soulmate. I always knew I was his from the first time I saw him. That half-smile he flashed at me when he caught me staring at him. That moment made me feel alive. It was like, as cheesy as it sounds, my soul was rejoicing for meeting its mate. Deep down it felt like I’ve known him all my life, but contradicting it was this yearn to know so much more about him. Like friends who’ve been apart for decades, and crossed paths again, one fateful day.
I love reminiscing on how everything turned out to be. How we ended up like this. He’s probably disregarded the fact that he once acknowledged it. He can deny, and forget…but I won’t.
I don’t think he’d still give me the chance to tell him that he’s wrong. I don’t love myself TOO much. All this time my friends have been telling me that I should start to, because they know “where I am, and where I’ve been”. I’ve had Jen and Lance and Jaybo and Basil tell me repeatedly about this.
If I did, I would’ve left the Middle East, left to start a life of my own. I’d leave my parents because seeing my Mom in this state just sucks me into depression. But I don’t. I love my parents, and I know I’m not doing what I really should be for them but I’m trying my best. Its not easy to face things like this.
If I did, I would’ve chosen him. I would’ve not considered other people who could get hurt with our supposed choice to be together. If I love myself more, I would’ve not done what I felt was right for everyone. I would’ve went with him when I know that I was going to end up hurting him then.
He’s always been there for me. ALWAYS. Always there. And I get really jealous of our friends who he gets to show his care and affection for, because he used to do that to me too. But I screwed it up.
There is no one else like him. I’m not the only one who knows that. I really miss him so much.
I don’t want to lose him…completely.
Oh and, if I love myself too much, then I would’ve gotten over the fact that I made a huge mistake. I’m not proud of who I’ve become from making the wrong move. How can I ever make you see that.
